Confessions of a Former “SAM Aro”

This post was written for the September 2021 Carnival of Aros, where the theme is “Language.” In the aspec communities I’m originally from (mostly Reddit) and in the vast majority of the educational material I read when first discovering aspec identities, the “split-attraction model” (SAM) is the predominant conceptualization scheme for explaining aspec identities, and …

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White Lies and Approximate Definitions

This post was written for the May 2021 Carnival of Aces, where the theme is "Words and Conceptualizations." You know how sometimes you tell those little white lies because the truth is just too complicated to explain? You don't intent to mislead anyone, but telling the full story would take too long, so you just …

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The Layer Cake of My Identity

This post was written for the May 2021 Carnival of Aces, where the theme is "Words and Conceptualizations." My bio on this blog currently labels me as "an asexual, aromantic, autistic, non-binary person." While this isn't inaccurate, it's more of a context-sensitive approximation of my identity than a comprehensive examination of it. The truth is …

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The Amatanormativity in Romance-Coded Language

Much of the language we use to talk about relationships is steeped in amatanormativity. Even the term "relationship" is often assumed to be short for "romantic relationship," when many aspec people prefer to use the term "relationship" in its more broad sense. In particular, the language we use to talk about partnerships tends to assume …

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The Problem With Functioning Labels

Autism is a disorder that most people are vaguely familiar with. Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions about autism—often perpetuated by the media—that people have taken as granted. Among these misconceptions is the idea that people with autism can be broadly classified as "high-functioning" or "low-functioning." I'm going to explain why terms like these …

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What is Relationship Anarchy?

Traditionally, we categorize our relationships with labels, usually either as romantic or platonic. These labels are prescriptive; they determine the boundaries and expectations of the relationship, and not the other way around. Relationships anarchy is a descriptive approach to relationships; labels are chosen to suit what each person wants out of the relationships or, more …

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